


Before He Is Left

by Waldo



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, Episode: s01e13 End of Days, First Kiss, Kissing, M/M, Partner Betrayal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-26
Updated: 2008-04-26
Packaged: 2017-10-05 01:02:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waldo/pseuds/Waldo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day.  The number of amazing and awful things that had happened in one day made him dizzy and made him sick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Before He Is Left

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://www.dreamwidth.org/userinfo?user=lastficstanding)[**lastficstanding**](http://www.dreamwidth.org/userinfo?user=lastficstanding).  The challenge this time was to choose a  character and tell us about their first kiss with someone and write our ~1000 word fic about it.
> 
> Title comes from the parphrased quote, "A wise [man] kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before [he] is left.  [-Marilyn Monroe"](http://quotes.gaia.com/Marilyn_Monroe)Takes place directly after "End of Days".  
> [Podfic Available for Download here!](http://www.megaupload.com/?d=X91Z9BJQ)

It took them about half an hour to figure out where Jack went. Tosh had found the CCTV footage of him running across the plass and plastering himself against an old blue police box they all knew hadn't been on the plass when they'd gone out for coffee half an hour before. Then the whole kit-n-kaboodle had disappeared and they knew that Jack's return was no longer anything they could assist in. Jack hadn't been abducted. Jack had _left_.

For some odd reason they felt that if they sat around and waited, Jack would return, like he'd just run to the store for a pack of biscuits. At nearing midnight Gwen finally announced that everyone should head for home. Ianto insisted on staying to clean up the pizza boxes and beer bottles and coffee cups and to refile all the materials on the Doctor they'd pulled out once they'd realized what happened.

Once everyone had gone, Ianto had collapsed on the couch. He should go too, but his head spun too much to drive.

One day. The number of amazing and awful things that had happened in one day made him dizzy and made him sick.

Jack had lain in a drawer in the morgue for a terrifyingly long four days before waking up earlier that morning. Apparently he'd conned Gwen into getting him clean clothes, because the last time Ianto'd seen him that morning, he'd still been in a miserable hospital gown laying in a bag. Then he was standing there. Just… _there_. Alive and whole and dressed and smiling. Smiling at him, letting him know that he'd been forgiven for siding with Owen to open the rift. Forgiven for believing the ghost of Lisa over the real, solid, human Jack.

Ianto hadn't known how to approach Jack. He'd _wanted_ to wrap his arms around Jack and promise him that he'd never disobey, never disappoint again. He wanted to kiss him and tell him he'd been so scared that even the immortal Jack Harkness couldn't survive Abbadon.

But their relationship wasn't like that. There had been quick handjobs and blowjobs when one of them found themselves wound abnormally tight. There was even silly sex games with stopwatches and Ianto's ties and Jack's braces once everyone else had left the Hub.

But they didn't kiss and they didn't hug and they didn't actually have _affection_ between them.

Feeling like a right idiot he'd stuck out his hand when Jack had approached him, like shaking hands would even remotely come close to healing the chasm between them.

Jack had grabbed his hand in a warm, tight grip and tugged on him solidly, giving Ianto no choice but to collapse against him. Ianto's eyes closed and he felt the solid heat of Jack's chest against his, felt his breathing and he could hear someone's heartbeat, but he couldn't be sure it wasn't his own.

Then Jack's arms slid around him and he was being held in the strongest, most secure embrace he'd ever known. Jack's hug was so different than Lisa's, or any of his other girlfriend's. Jack's arms were large and strong and Ianto had to tip his head up instead of down to rest on Jack's shoulder.

And then Jack's hand was in his hair, even has he pulled back. Ianto had thought the moment over and was prepared to let go and clear his throat and straighten his jacket and walk away like something momentous hadn't just happened.

But then Jack was turning his head just a little and pulling him back in. And warm, moist lips were on his. It took him a stunned moment to think to open his mouth and let Jack in. He barely registered the way Jack's hand curled against his suit coat, the way the hand in his hair stroked and rubbed and petted. His whole world had come down to the feeling of Jack's tongue stroking gently against his. There was just enough desperation in Jack's movements to make Ianto wonder if Jack may have wanted this as long as he had.

He didn't know why they'd kept the sex between them cold and impersonal. Maybe it was both of them recovering from Lisa, recovering from Suzie, recovering from… everything Torchwood threw at them.

Jack's kiss held promise and interest and – god, Ianto hoped – an end to the loneliness that impersonal sex had, in hindsight, only made worse.

Jack didn't rush to end the kiss or pull back, but he didn't make them a spectacle either. He pulled back slowly, hands caressing Ianto's face.

Ianto knew in that moment that if he and Jack never got naked together again, he'd be happy as long as there were kisses like that. He watched as Jack took Owen in his arms and Owen wept and Jack forgave him too. He smiled just a little to himself when he realized how differently Jack interacted with Owen. There was a different dynamic in the hug, in the soft kiss he saw Jack place in Owen's hair. He expected a small flair of jealousy, but there was nothing but the intense relief of Jack's return to life and the peace of that first, perfect kiss.

 

Which was why he found himself with his knees pulled up to his chest, his face buried in his knees, sobbing unconsolably. He knew he'd been nearly as unglued when Jack had died and not come back. He'd still tended to Jack's office, finally taking a few minutes to manage his grief, sobbing in Jack's greatcoat. This time he didn't even have that comfort. Jack had grabbed his coat, his severed hand and taken off.

And more than anything, that's what made his chest feel so tight he wasn't sure how his heart continued to beat. That Jack would sacrifice himself for one person or the world didn't surprise Ianto. He actually expected nothing less. It soothed him during those four days to know that Jack had died in their defense, despite what they'd done to him. But that Jack would run off, voluntarily… and _after_ kissing him like that in front of everyone? That hurt. That hurt so bad he couldn't imagine how it was that he wasn't actually physically damaged somewhere.

It started to sink in that even though he'd been convinced that Owen was speaking out of anger, he may have been right. Maybe he was only the part-time shag. Maybe he was just the teaboy with benefits. Maybe he'd been such a poor judge of character that he'd read into that only kiss that just maybe Jack could love him back.

He'd never felt like such a fool in all his life for believing himself to be the kind of person another could love.


End file.
